Why Buy an iPhone X When You Can Pay Tiffany & Co. $1,000 For a Tin Can?

"I love the dumb notch! And the face-scanning thing I don't want! The iPhone X is exactly the kind of absurd luxury good I crave," you say, having not even scratched the diamond-encrusted surface of true decadence. Sit right there like the tiny, foolish baby you are and I'll tell you about an even newer, more exciting...